It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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