I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
