Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
