So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
