Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
