So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
