she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
