well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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