elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
