At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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