I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
