When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I just want to make out with him forever
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
