Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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