Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
This is classic penis vs brain.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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