I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
now i know why i became what i already was.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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