I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
So vagazzling was a success
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
