I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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