we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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