I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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