College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
This house was built for laser tag.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
