My brain says no but my pants say off.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
