cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
