my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
