TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I touched a dick in church today
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
