if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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