all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
