Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
