Ambien. No doubt about it.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
