guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I think i peed on brittanys purse
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
