saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
