I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
How does it feel to date your dad?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
