Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
