Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
