oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
