Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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