The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
