i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
