Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
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