he shaved USA in his pubs
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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