Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
