Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
