oh god the rape fog is back!
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
