Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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