I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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