if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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