I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
we made out on top of his cat.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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