Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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