She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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