I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
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