Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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