Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
