Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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