i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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