I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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